The Web of Lies

The web of lies surrounding this child just gets bigger and bigger.

I’ll be the first person to admit, I’m a rule player (mainly) and I’m superstitious. I don’t walk under ladders. I’ll go way out of my way to avoid doing so. I always pick up pennies if they’re heads up and I look away quickly & keep walking if they’re tails up. “See a penny, pick it up, all the day, you’ll have good luck.” I even chant that in my head when I find a heads-up penny. When a bell rings, an angel gets his/her wings. I wish on falling stars. I wore old, new, borrowed, and blue at my wedding. (Black cats crossing in front of me I do not see as a bad sign but rather a good one as I’m a cat person. And the number 13 and all Friday 13’s happen to be very lucky for me. VERY.)

One thing I’ll never do is tell people I’m pregnant before the first trimester has passed. I don’t count you dear readers as ‘telling people’. Until recently, I’d only read other moms’ blogs about miscarriages but I had never known anyone who HAD one. My husband’s cousin told her mom she was pregnant, who told my husband’s mom (the cousin’s mother’s sister) who God Bless Her, couldn’t keep a secret to save her life. She told me. Within three weeks, said cousin had lost the baby. And she knew we knew. I still haven’t told Hubby about her miscarriage (it’s not really his business, nor was it mine…). I feel badly for her. Not just the loss of her child but…. the loss of her privacy. If I lose a baby, I don’t really want people to know. I don’t want the pity or the meals left on my doorstep. I want to smoke a bunch of dope and deal with it alone. Privately, perhaps maybe even in a blog post. But basically, I wouldn’t want people to know. While I’m the type of person that my friends ALWAYS come to for advice or venting – I’m just not the type of person to share my intimate feelings. I guess that’s why I write the blog things. I’m sharing my personal life but you likely don’t know me.

ANYWAYS…. so I have my first prenatal appointment on Wednesday (YAY!!!!) and we’ll find out just how far along I am. By my calculations I’m about six or seven weeks, which means we’ve still got a month and a half to keep this a secret. With my growing belly, morning-noon-night sickness, my new (fabulous) pair of boobs – that alone is difficult to hide on my 105 lb frame. Factor in our skipping Hippie Nights with friends (on which I was always the last one still smoking), my daily napping, the refusal of my favorite champagne my MIL bought for me for dinners at their house… we just seem to be telling lie after lie after lie.

I suppose it’s not straight-up lying. More like fibs, protecting the truth. But I feel terrible. I was supposed to meet my girlfriends in the Big City for the weekend. It was going to be great, just like old times. Unfortunately because the movie I’m currently filming (true, I am) is filming all week and weekend, I just won’t be able to make it (not true, that’s a lie). Truth is, if I came up for girls weekend without my hubby, without my kids and I wasn’t the first one partying – they’d know exactly what was up. Tonight our friends came over and I was “too tired” to participate (true, I am tired) so I made sure to be upstairs “in bed sleeping” before they arrived (not true, I was watching Platinum Weddings as low as I could hear the volume and wondering why this ugly wedding was considered Platinum). Today at the pool with the family, I couldn’t drink any Asti because I was driving home (true, I was driving…. but I’m a big liar because I’m pregnant). Because my husband needs to tell his dad he’s attending a doctor’s appointment with me on Wednesday we’ve come up with a solution: One of my daughters has only one kidney and during a prenatal ultrasound it was discovered I likely have some sort of kidney issues. We’re going on Wednesday to see a “kidney doctor” to make sure everything is fine – purely routine but we both want to be there. LIE. Popular Question from EVERYBODY: “When are you guys having more kids?” – My reply: As soon as you all start donating money to us so we can afford one, we’ll start trying. LIE, I’m due in January.
The lies just get bigger and bigger. We’ve already got our plan for when we come back from Bonnaroo and we see Phish again later that week with a group of our friends. Apparently, I’m going to have a really bad trip at Bonnaroo and smoke pot that must have been laced with something. This will make me decide to lay off the dope for a while until I feel comfortable smoking again. LIE. LIE. LIE. I won’t be smoking anything until Christmas 2010 when I stop breastfeeding. Which is a truth. 🙂

(*Disclaimer: I don’t do drugs. I smoke pot. Not every day, but more than occasionally. Well, I SMOKED pot until the day I discovered the plus sign on the EPT test. I’d never smoke knowing I was pregnant – there just aren’t enough studies yet proving it’s okay – although I’m interested for more studies to come out showing how great it is at curing nausea!!! I’ve been a toker for over a decade now; anything you say is not going to change my beliefs about it… So if you have a problem with this, find a different blog to read. Thanks!*)

There are so many other “lies” we’ve told… I wouldn’t even know where to start. But it’s beginning to be ridiculous trying to hide this pregnancy. I’m not sure if we’ll last the whole first trimester.
Anyone else have any good stories about hiding pregnancies for the first trimester? I’d love to hear them. 🙂


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