The Belated Mother’s Day Weekend Recap

WOW. SO. It’s been awhile since I posted last. I think it was before Mother’s Day or shortly thereafter. We spent Mother’s Day weekend and this past weekend out of town so things have been BUSY and MORE BUSY and I haven’t really had the chance to sit down and type. In fact, Snowdrop is calling me to get her out of her jumperoo right now. But I’m leaving her in there because the pediatrician told us it was time for her to start self-soothing. She’s not crying yet but as long as she’s just “fussy” I know I need to leave her in there. There’s hardly much worse than a child that can’t soothe themself so… soothe-training, here we are!

Mother’s Day Weekend…. we spent at Hubby’s parents’ lakehouse. It’s about an hour drive from where we live (prob a little less) and is quite lovely. I mean, it’s not fancy or anything but it’s also not a dive. Hubby’s dad and grandpa built it years & years ago – and when I say they built it, I mean they dug the foundation built it. Right up from the ground. It was one of the first homes in the community. Anyways, it sits on a lake and they just got a new boat this year. Now wait a second – before you go thinking our trees grow money, they don’t. Their old boat was over 27 years old and had FINALLY kicked the bucket. So they got a new boat. The motor on this new boat is HUGE – we call it my FIL’s “MidLife Crisis Motor”, hahahaha. The boat is smaller and faster than the old pontoon. And currently nameless. We joked that it should be called “The Grandson”. It was pretty funny for a bit but… then got to be not-so-funny when Hubby really started to contemplate that he might never provide his father with a real grandson. (Hubby is the son of an only-son of an only-son of… well, six generations of ONLY-A-SON and here we are with THREE GIRLS!) (I still think it’s funny.)

My In-Laws have neighbors at the lakehouse – the ones on the right side, we never see. The ones on the left side are pretty close family friends. The husband and my FIL are really good buddies – the guy’s wife? …. Well. She’s nice but is one of those people that asks too many questions, offers very unsolicited advice, and generally believes SHE is always RIGHT. We all know people like that. She REFUSED to wash her hands before holding Snowdrop – and I was too tired to cause a stir so I just let her hold the baby without washing her hands. NEXT TIME, she’ll have to wash her hands if she wants to hold my children. AND she’ll have to put down the booze. She’s always been a drinker (I mean, isn’t anyone who lives full time at a lakehouse?) but apparently, per hush-hush with my MIL, she’s been drinking a lot lately. Like, bottle of Jack under the sewing machine drinking… which isn’t a good thing. She was pretty tanked this weekend and it made me really uncomfortable. My parents (and extended family for that matter) aren’t big drinkers and it’s rare if they’re even tipsy (which would lead to a great story about my parents activities this past weekend while we were visiting them. I’ll provide a link to the post here after I create it.), so I’m just not very used to be around drunk elders.

Anyways. So the new boat. The girls were really excited to take a ride so of course we went out for a long ride on the lake. I wasn’t keen about bringing Snowdrop even though we have a lifejacket just for her. However, although Drunky offered to watch the baby while we went on the boat ride – I felt less comfortable leaving her with my child. Right? So Snowdrop came with us! I really didn’t want her to and I was nervous pretty much the whole ride. She loved it though and slept through the whole thing. Even the part when my FIL sped up to about 68mph…. which I was not happy about. It seems a little too fast for my 2 year olds and 4 month old. They loved it though! It will be fun this summer when we can pull them around on the tubes in the “lagoon”. Hubby laughs because I call it a “lagoon”… it’s like an inlet or something that the house sits on.

So on the way out there… Hubby and I were pretty much at each other’s throats. Something about me wanting to download and analyze the photos from our video camera and it taking forever, thus we weren’t going to end up getting out to the lake until much later than he expected. Whatever. I’m over it now. He was pissed at me and *I believe* purposely neglected to tell me that a certain stretch of road was heavily policed. I was blowing past everyone else and didn’t notice the State Police SUV I was about to pass. Haha. He promptly pulled me over. I felt so stupid – really. SO I was going 82 in a 65 – not unheard of – and because it was a zero tolerance zone I had to get a ticket. The guy was REALLY NICE though so at least I had that going for me. I hate when cops are jerks when they pull you over for speeding. I mean, it’s not like I was driving dangerously on top of speeding. I was just speeding. Anywho, he could have been a jerk but he wasn’t and that was pleasant. I actually thanked him for my ticket – who does that? Haha. Me. 🙂 Now I have to go to court and get the whole thing fixed for various reasons that I won’t go into (mainly because it would divulge the state in which we live and that goes against my blog rules).

My MIL also walked in on me nursing Snowdrop. I was totally topless from the waist up, laying down on the bed. I had told Hubby that I was going in there to feed the baby so he would know to watch the girls and to keep others from entering our room. MIL keeps the baby toys in our room so when the girls started hassling her about things to do – she thought she’d bring them into our room to get them some toys. Of course, Hubby was too busy watching the ballgame to remember that he was also supposed to be protecting me. I KNEW when I heard her voice and the girls’ footsteps that they were headed into the room. I swung my arm around my bosums JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME and said “HI!” It was so awkward. And she was frozen for what seemed like an hour before she stumbled out “Oh gosh, sorry! I didn’t know.” I was just like “It’s fine!” while inside I was preparing my strategy to strangle my husband. Haha. 

The girls keep asking to go back there. I’m glad they love it as much as we do! We made it home without any more speeding tickets. :)d

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Irked.

I’ve been working on the Mother’s Day weekend post now for a week or so (it’s still in the works!) and I’ll have another post coming about our trip to the Big City for my sisters’ graduation/prom weekend. Those will have to wait for now.

Meanwhile. I’m irked about something. Just plain irked.

See. Here’s the thing. Snowdrop’s “real” name is a variation of her Godmother’s name. Not intentional but that’s the way it worked out. Her Godmother was pregnant up until yesterday when she delivered her baby girl. See, when we were still pregnant in December we had asked her (Snowdrop’s Godmother) if she’d be using her name at all for her baby. We didn’t want to steal her name and we didn’t want our baby to share the name of another baby that we’d be seeing lots of in the future. (And if you’ve been a reader of my blog you know I want my kids to have unique names, blah, blah… etc.)

She assured us that they were DEFINITELY NOT using her name for their baby. DEFINITELY NOT.

So I’m irked because we received a text message yesterday after the baby was born. Despite definitely not planning on using said godmother’s name for their baby – they did! As a middle name, BUT STILL.

For example, let’s pretend that Godmother’s name is Joannna (it’s not, we’re just pretending) – and let’s say we ended up naming Snowdrop “Joanne Middlename”, with the understanding that Godmother Joanna wasn’t going to name her own daughter “Joanna”. But then Godmother Joanna named her daughter “Firstname Joanna”.

I know – it’s just a name, right? Well, sort of. To me it’s so much more. And because we specifically inquired about using the name…. I really wish had gotten the heads up about her using her own name. I know, she’s totally entitled to use her own name (and entitled to change her mind about not using it) but like, I JUST had my baby four months ago. It would be one thing if it were years later but it hasn’t been very long at all. Had we known, we totally would have gone with a different name. The name she ended up with wouldn’t have even been on our list.

I’m totally bummed. So is Hubby. Which makes me feel better about the whole thing knowing that he’s also bummed and would have also chosen a different name. It’s nice not to be the only one on my side.

It just irks me. And I wish I had put my foot down about my favorite name choice for Snowdrop (that we didn’t end up using). Growl.

 

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Mommy Guilt…

I have Mommy Guilt. BIG TIME. And it really… sucks.

Breastfeeding. I struggled quite a bit with it in the beginning – between cracked nipples, supply issues, it basically HURTING A LOT, infections, lack of sleep, etc… it was no fun. But as the weeks went on it got easier. I had told myself prior to Snowdrop’s birth that I’d do my darndest to make it to week 12.

And I did.

In fact, around week 10 1/2 it got SO MUCH EASIER! My supply was pretty good (probably had something to do with my daily oatmeal serving) which helped immensely in not needing to supplement with formula anymore. I felt good about myself – I was keeping her nourished. It’s really an amazing feeling. I felt so proud that I was doing what I intended to do for her and it was working. We were starting to settle into a nice little “non-schedule” (no set times but I was able to expect when-abouts she’d need to eat). Before I knew it, week 12 was upon us.

My goal had been to make it until week 12 and then to re-evaluate the whole thing. At 12 weeks, I decided to go another week. And then another week after that and so on. We were in a nice rhythm, me & Snowdrop. I was really enjoying the moments I had with her while she was nursing. The way her eyes rolled back into her head with enjoyment as she drank – she looked like a little drunkie baby. The way she’d pop off my boob with her mouth open and milk dribbling down her chin when she had finished, eyelids fluttering in exhaustion. How she grabs at my shirt and clutches it in her little hand, as if to say “No Mommy, I’m not done just yet!” The little noises she makes – little grunts, like a piglet. My piglet. My Snowdrop. My precious baby.

I loved scooping her up from her swing in the dark when she’d wake to nurse and tucking her beside me in bed. There we’d lay while she nursed and then we’d fall back asleep, my arms carefully wrapped around her while she slept. When the big girls woke up, Hubby would leave me & Snowdrop to sleep in bed. She’d wake up about an hour later to nurse again and then I’d place her back in her swing so she could have her morning nap. Those moments were so special, waking up together and seeing her pretty little face beside me.

Here we are at week 19 now. I find myself almost needing these nursings more than her. The very thought of not nursing her anymore drives me to tears. It’s not a formula vs breastmilk issue (our twins were formula babies so… I’m not anti-formula in any way). I think it’s more of a mommy/baby thing. I never got to experience this with the big girls. It took me a long time to feel close to the girls… it took a long time to get to know them. With Snowdrop, it’s so different. It’s happened so much faster and is so much deeper. I’m sure this has something to do with nursing her. It has to, right? Because how could I feel more for her at this age than I did with her sisters?

Sometimes I wonder if I didn’t open myself up to the girls because I was so scared all the time that they would die. They were premies and with Mag’s kidney stuff… basically, I’m paranoid. (We all know that!) I’m not so scared this time around. Just a little bit… but I’m not completely a newbie mom anymore. Now I’m more worried that she’s not hitting the same milestones at the same times the big girls did. (Again, the paranoia.) Anyways….

At week 17 1/2, I found my supply seemed to be slipping away from me. I restarted eating oatmeal in the mornings – now a task more than just having breakfast. I loathe my daily serving of oats, how much more oatmeal can I really eat before I am never able to eat it again? I hoped it would help with my supply… One morning, I even put Caraway Seeds (like Fennel, it is a galactogogue – that means it can help up your supply!) and Cinnamon in my oatmeal. Yes, Caraway and Cinnamon Oatmeal. It was so gross. But I ate it… nearly every bite just hoping it would boost my supply. I couldn’t bear to eat it the next morning.

I think I’m drinking enough water/liquids. I’m getting as much rest as I was before… which isn’t much… but no different than before….

And here’s where the Mommy Guilt comes in:

As much as I LOVE, NEED, WANT to nurse my sweet little Snowdrop… part of me wants desperately to have “myself” back. I want to join Hubby outside after the kids go to bed for a cocktail without worrying about the effects on my baby. I want to be able to go to the grocery store or on other errands (or activities) without worrying that I need to be home in time to feed the baby. (We used up all the stored milk we had when Hubby & I went on two date nights. Just TWO.) I want to be able to go out with my husband, possibly even have an overnight date, without worrying about being sure to pump enough while we’re gone from the baby. I want to be able to go out with my friends and not worry about my milk or feeding the baby on time so I can keep my supply going…

I really hate eating oatmeal EVERY morning.

I want to lose all this baby weight. They say breastfeeding will help you lose the weight but mine really seems to be sticking on… I want to be able to cut back my food intake and really get back to eating like I’m a skinny person instead of being sure I’m getting enough calories all day and eating at least three square meals and drinking enough liquids… I want to be able to exercise a bit without worrying that I’m taking away from her nourishment by burning calories.

And I feel like SUCH a terrible person for all of this. 😦 What kind of mother doesn’t want to feed her child anymore? I just feel like a… mommy-bitch.

About last week (18 weeks), I started to wean her. This morning was the first morning that my boobs didn’t feel like they were going to burst – which is good, it means my milk production is slowing down… which will make weaning less painful. We’re set to visit my parents next weekend and it would be nice to be able to leave her for an extended period of time and get out to see my friends.

*sigh*

I feel so sad to be giving up this part of my life but so excited at the same time to be gaining part of myself back. But the sadness and guilt are so much more prominent these days. 😦

Did you have Mommy Guilt when you quit breastfeeding? If you did, how did you deal with it? If you didn’t, what did you tell yourself that prevented the guilt?

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Happy Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day to all you mommy-bloggers out there (or just mommies who read blogs!) ~ I hope you had a wonderful weekend and a relaxing one, too!

I’ll post later about our weekend but I will tell you this: It involved me getting my first speeding ticket since 2004 (82 in a 65 on the highway… after Hubby told me to watch my speed – OF COURSE.) and my MIL walking in on my naked torso while I was feeding Snowdrop. And their drunk neighbor rubbing her face on my baby.

*sigh*

Next year? I’m going to Tahiti for Mother’s Day. 😉

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My Tailbone and Our New Computer…

I’ll leave the whole tailbone thing for the end of this post. On to better things like our new computer!

Our new computer. We finally got it set up (well, Hubby did it while I was out running an errand)! It’s pretty snazzy with a HUGE flat screen monitor and a CD/DVD burner. I’m really excited to start copying our home videos and photos to CD/DVDs. I envision the girls when they’re older being able to pop in a home movie and enjoy watching our family. I personally love seeing our old home movies. They’re so special. My dad burned copies of the first 1/4 of home movies – I keep bugging him to copy the rest for me. 🙂

The new computer… has this fancy new Windows 7. The last Windows I had on a brand new computer? Windows 2000. 🙂 Things have really changed! I *think* I like all the “updates”. I’m not sure yet; I’m still tinkering around on here.

Tonight, I made some spreadsheets. Don’t I lead an exciting life? I was really excited about them. See, I didn’t keep track of Junie & Mag’s medical info like height and weight, etc. That’s because I’m a bad mom (kidding). When we switched pediatricians, the old ped’s office copied the girls’ files for me and we picked them up. I decided to make spreadsheets of their medical information. So now I have it all recorded and organized and that makes me feel happy. There are piles of laundry laying around here but somehow designing spreadsheets and doing a little data entry is what I chose to do tonight. Don’t you just love OCD?

Anyways, we have a new computer and I’m very excited.

Now, my tailbone. Nothing really exciting to report I guess. Sorry if you were expecting some awesome story. Well, so my tailbone still hurts from back when Snowdrop was born. 😦 It really sucks! I was giving it a while to get better but it really doesn’t seem to be improving. I was at my doctor’s yesterday for my yearly exam and she gave me the number of her chiropractor. I’m not looking forward to this but 4 1/2 months into all this tailbone pain, I am really ready for it to be over. Hopefully the gal will be able to snap me back into place and I can sit comfortably on my bum from now on. Until we have another child.

Which I’m hoping (please God!) won’t be until after 2010.

Maybe even closer to 2012? Please? 🙂

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Question of the Week: What Item Do You Splurge On?

What Item Do You Splurge On?

There is one thing that I do consider to be a real splurge of mine and that is Aveda Brilliant Damage Control spray. It costs $15 for an 8.5oz bottle. I go through two (maybe three depending on summer heat, frequency of swimming, etc) a year. I love this stuff! It makes my hair feel great and I love the way it smells. I’d use Aveda shampoos but they’re just too darn expensive!

And Uggs. I love my Uggs. I’ve got a few boots and three pairs of slippers. I LOVE THEM and completely recommend them to everyone. The cost is worth the comfort and quality, in my opinion.

There are a few other things that I “splurge” on… I go to a fancy-pants salon to get my eyebrows/lip waxed every month and a half or so. I find it so relaxing and I really trust my lady there to do a good job. Plus they use all natural stuff so I think it helps with my uber-sensitive skin. There’s no way I could do it myself, in addition to not trusting myself to over/under-tweeze. 🙂 I get my hair cut at the same salon, which is also a splurge but I justify it because I only get my hair cut once a year, if that.

When it came to decorating the nurseries, I splurged – a little. I got Pottery Barn Kids bedding for the big girls. I had found it on sale, but it was still a big purchase at the time. (In fact, they DO offer a multiples discount however the gal behind the counter said they didn’t… but they do so don’t be fooled if you’re in the market for some PBK!) I “splurged” on PBK bedding for Snowdrop, too – but I bought it on 75% off clearance. SCORE! And her curtains were PBK from Ebay. DEAL!!! I’m really into PBK, I think they’ve got the cutest stuff for kid’s rooms. I tend to buy accessories and accents at places like Homegoods or Target, etc. But bedding is something I splurge on for the kids. I like our nurseries to be adorable. And they are! 🙂

When I go back home to the Big City, I’ll splurge on stuff like Bakery Food from my old bakery or I’ll go on a little Ikea spree because we don’t have one where we live.

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Seen & Heard Saturday

Juniper: “I tired. I need nap.” It’s 7am. So why aren’t you asleep, silly girl?

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Juniper: “I having bad day. I sad today.” Because she wanted to play in the park but it was raining.

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Magnolia: “What’s that?” During their last shower with Daddy.

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Magnolia: “I love boobies!”

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Seen: One girl tucking her sister into an empty diaper box and covering her with a blanket and a lovie.

Seen: Two little girls reading a lift-the-flap book to their baby sister.

Seen: Two little girls running around with Bumbos on their heads – like helmets. They remind of Rick Moranis in SpaceBalls.

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Juniper: “Oh no! Big storm coming! I want to go in basement!” Well. We DID end up needing to go into the basement as the tornado sirens were going off. And the girls? They LOVED it! Flashlights, vintage Duck Tales movie (on video cassette), and our cat lovingly perched on Mag’s chair keeping watch on our girls until it passed.

 

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