Doctor’s Appointment Update!

WELL.

There’s only one baby in there.

*sigh* My heart was POUNDING as the doctor inserted the transvaginal ultrasound thingy to check my uterus for more than one baby. POUNDING. And then it turned out to be just one. I have to admit, I was totally bummed. I know, I should be grateful I’m pregnant with all the women in the world who can’t conceive…. but I totally feel like I failed. My ovaries failed me, haha. I’m not a double dropper like I thought! And another part of me feels like maybe I failed as a mom of twins and that’s why I’m not getting them again. I know God only gives me what I can handle, but I thought… I don’t know what I thought. I just feel…. disappointed. I know, I’m nuts.

The “fetal pole”… (I hate the word fetus, fetal, etc. I prefer baby, but whatever let’s be medical for a minute.)… The “fetal pole” is measuring 6 weeks 5 days, however according to my LMP (last menstrual period) I’m 9 weeks pregnant with a New Year’s Day 2010 due date! Thus, I am confused. Baffled, even. It’s measuring .78cm which according to my conversion calculator is 7.8mm.

Now that I’ve typed that out, I can’t believe I had to look up a conversion calculator to do that math. I’ve never been good at math. In fact, from high school through college, I had teachers pass me in math class just because they knew I was throwing everything I had into trying to understand….I just never got it. I was reading by the time I was three – Go figure.

Ok, so I’m 9 weeks but the baby is measuring 6 weeks. Of course, through all my research (I know, I should just be leaving this up to the medical professionals and not Google…), there’s a great chance this will end up as one of those pregnancies that just doesn’t end up taking. AKA, the dreaded miscarriage…. I go back in two weeks for another ultrasound to determine growth and to get the results of the blood tests I’m required to take. I’m just so confused, has anyone else gone through this measuring small for the size you should be? We could hardly see anything on the screen but my doctor chalked it up to the new equipment and that they hadn’t really figured out how to set the lighting on it yet…. I’m an over-thinking worry-wort so of course my mind is racing. Why is it so small? How come if I’m 9 weeks it’s not bigger? When was this child conceived???????????????????????????????? I’m baffled. It seems like such a blur, the month of April – between friends in town, Easter in the Big City, Grandma being sick and eventually passing…. we just can’t figure out when the ‘venomous snake’ let loose and made a baby – which furthers the 9 week/6 week confusion.

BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I wish I could put my head on mute. 😦