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16 Weeks Pregnant!!! Toddlers Rock. :)

I can’t even believe it!! It seems like yesterday that I was 13 weeks pregnant… time is truly flying by. My aunt told me that every new pregnancy flies by faster than the last – and that by my fourth pregnancy (haha, she must be delusional if she thinks I’m doing this two more times, HAHA. or maybe God is laughing at me for saying that…) it hardly begins before it’s over.

Anyways, I can’t believe I’m already at 16 weeks. Well, 15 or 16 weeks. The baby is about a week behind how far along I’m supposed to be – which probably just means it will be a tiny baby but I’m a tiny person & I come from tiny people and Hubby’s mom isn’t much bigger than me anyways, so tiny is okay. The baby is approximately the size of an avocado!! That seems so HUGE to me!!! I’m definitely showing so I’m sure the baby is indeed the size of an avocado.

I’ve been feeling the little one moving around inside my belly for quite a few weeks now. Not every day do I feel the flutter, but most days I do. I made an artichoke-olive dip the other day and the baby went WILD when I started eating it. That was fun to feel. The kicks aren’t strong enough yet for Hubby to really feel them, but he says he felt one the other day. I’m sure in a few weeks it will be much easier to feel the kicking.

I’ve been really into ‘cooking’ lately. Mainly things like dips and cookies. Teehee. I used to work at a bakery/cafe in the Big City so my attempts of late have been to recreate their recipes (“secret” recipes) for myself. My next thought is to start a petition for them to ‘write’ a best-recipe book. For my own benefit, of course. Haha. And the benefit of all us bakery girls who now live across the country. I sure can’t drive 350 miles every day for lunch… or my craving-whims.  I haven’t done any dinner prep as of late. I feel badly for Hubby but by the time dinnertime rolls around… I’m exhausted. We’re heading to a BBQ at a friend’s house tonight and tomorrow night Hubby will be a bachelor party (boo.) so maybe Sunday I’ll suck up the tired & make dinner. A pot roast would be easy. I loooooove my crock-pot. I can’t believe I only started using one after I got married. I could totally have handled crock-pot cooking when I was a single gal. Maybe in my next life.

My sisters are coming to visit next month. I’m very excited to see them. I miss them a lot now that I don’t live in the Big City anymore. Our parents won’t let them drive down for fears they’ll be “raped, mutilated, and thrown in a ditch” (no really, our mother thinks that, truly she does). *sigh* They’re way over-protective. My sisters are heading into their last year of high school & will soon be off to college…… I of course, think it’s absurd that they aren’t allowed to drive down here, but whatever – I’m just glad they’re coming down! 🙂 We’re not planning to do much, but I am planning on enlisting them to help paint. The original plan was to paint the baby’s room but… we won’t know by then if it’s a boy or a girl and since I want the room to be blue (I think) for a boy… we’re going to paint our main room instead!! I’m super excited as I’ve been waiting since before we moved in to paint this main room. I’m going with Benjamin Moore color… oops, can’t find my color list. It’s a golden yellow, that’s bright, not too bright, not mustardy, not baby yellow… just perfect. It’s very soothing and I think it will really help open up this room. Not that it needs opening with our 20 foot ceilings and one sweeping great room feel to it… there aren’t many windows and in it’s current greyish-blue state – not very cozy feeling. I’m really excited to get it painted AND to get new sconces for the lights. Our current ones are really tacky early 90’s yucky sconces… and I had insisted that my children would never set their eyes upon them but somewhere between being pregnant with twins and having twin babies – we never got around to changing them. Then came the day when I found the PERFECT sconces only to discover they cost nearly $150 each!!! I have good taste, what can I say? Haha. So, I’m still looking for good-looking sconces. It seems neither Lowe’s nor Home Depot have anything that I like – and neither does Ebay. I’ll keep looking until I find the perfect ones. If not, we’ll just have to pony up for the expensive lights. I AM insistent that this new baby will not lay eyes upon these ugly sconces.

The girls are doing great. I hardly write about them! 🙂 They’re able to go up and down the stairs with very minimal help, if at all. This is going to be of huge help to me when the new baby comes. I’ve also been working a lot on picking up toys before naptime, before bedtime, and when it generally gets too messy for my head to think straight! They’re still learning how to stay on task- but it’s great that I’m not the only one picking up their toys during the day. Juniper is finally saying “yeah” (no definitive yes, but yeah works just the same as far as I’m concerned) instead of ‘no’ for both yes & no. It’s been very helpful that she’s figured out to say ‘yeah’ when she wants something, and ‘no’ when she doesn’t. When she was saying ‘no’ for everything – it really became a crapshoot figuring out what she wanted. She’s very particular, ornery, assertive, and just like me. I’m glad I’m just like her so I can be more patient with her – sometimes I’m not so great at that. And I feel badly for yelling so much at her but she’ll learn not to touch the garbage cans, open my kitchen drawers, or bite her sister. Someday… haha. What else is Junie doing these days? She’s very interested in this animal puzzle we have. It’s a barnyard animal, match the animal to the animal shape puzzle. I’m pretty sure the brand is Melissa & Doug. They’ve got some great puzzles and educational kid toys. You can check them out here. Their toys are available in lots of stores so you don’t have to get it online. We’re big fans, I suppose I’m plugging them. Haha. So she’s really into this animal puzzle, so much so that I’m considering buying a few more. I say considering for the plain & simple fact that toys are very trendy these days so this may be a passing love for her. She’s still really into the big Lego blocks. She & her sister make lots of towers with them and other shapes and are always very proud of their creations. Magnolia is really starting to pick up on language. Both girls are but she seems to be faster on learning new words. It seems like every day she’s saying something new! She’s also becoming quite the picky eater. One day she loves cheese, the next she won’t touch it. Same goes for nearly everything we give them, except for Macaroni & Cheese. I finally figured out that she wasn’t saying “Ernie” when she was pawing at the fridge, she was saying “Roni” (macaroni….)! I’m so glad I figured that one out, I was getting confused. 🙂 But now she also says “Ernie”, it’s more like “Ear-nie”. Haha. And she says “Cookie” (cookie monster). Super cute but their favorite TV character is “Caillou”. This was one of their first words, believe it or not, and every day they spend about a total of one hour saying “Caillouuuuu, Caillouuuuuu”. They LOVE his show. So funny, why is he bald at age four? Does anyone know?

Both Juniper & Magnolia have really gotten into coloring. We found a whole cupfull of colored pencils on our third floor & gave them an old Crate&Barrel box to draw on. They LOVE IT. And they’re so intensely concentrating while they draw. It’s really sweet and as someone who dabbles in the art herself… it really touches me that they seem to enjoy it so much as well. They lie on their stomachs grasping the little pencils in their hands and scribbling all sorts of craziness on the flattened box. It’s almost full of color now and of course I’ll be saving it to hang up somewhere. I’m a fan of the abstract art, and especially my own kids’ art, so it will surely find a place somewhere! 🙂 I’ve saved EVERY drawing they’ve made so far. I know, I’m nuts. Maybe I’ll stop saving everything at some point…. but I highly doubt it. I think they’re sweet little drawings. Both girls really enjoy when I take their hands and help them write their names or other words. I think it really fascinates them. They can recognize their own names already – I’m not going to say they can read their own names, but they definitely point out where it is when I ask. I can’t wait to move onto finger painting. While messy it shall be, it will be fun to see.

The girls are also really really really really into Sleeping Beauty. I’m trying to school them in the Magic of Disney every week. We own Sleeping Beauty & Finding Nemo (that’s Disney, right?? haha) & Pinnochio, but I’ve rented Little Mermaid, 101 Dalmations, and as soon as Cinderella comes back in the store (fingers crossed) I will bring that one home for them. I suppose I should just pony up and get them all off Ebay. I’ll have to wait until the next time Hubby makes a big deposit in my account and just buy them “under-the-table”. Muahahaha. He’s not a cheapo but I feel bad buying things like movies when we could really use the money on other stuff. But I want my kids to enjoy Disney as much as I do. Anyways, so they really LOVE Sleeping Beauty and I’m glad about that. They enjoyed Little Mermaid a LOT (I have it on video at my parents house… but I should really just get my own copy for here on DVD) and sort of like 101 Dalamations. That Cruella’s a little creepy though. I’m not a fan of this Disney Vault stuff. I know it’s probably good for THEM but it stinks that my kids can’t enjoy all the movies I used to enjoy as a kid because they’re simply not available. And like Cinderella for example – the guy at the movie store said that they hope it gets returned but because of the Disney Vault, people tend to never return them just so they can get keep the movie. Jerkos.

Okay. So Juniper just brought me a roll of paper towels. And by roll of paper towels, I mean a shredded mess of about 100 paper towels & the empty cardboard roll. Also presented to my nose, is the lovely stench of turd. Fabulous. Must mean it’s time for diaper changes and a nap for these two gingers.

‘Till next time dear readers…adieu. 🙂

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Next Appointment Tomorrow

My next appointment is TOMORROW!!! It’s finally come! I’m not used to this waiting four weeks between appointments stuff! 🙂 I’m really excited and I really hope we can find the heartbeat. We’ll have an ultrasound, too. Of course, I’m still worried about there not being a baby in there, but based on the size of my boobs & my belly… there’s gotta be a baby in there.  I’ve also been pretty sick, as per usual. Plus, I know I’ve felt it moving. During my first pregnancy, I felt movement from very early on. My doctor said I was probably just gassy but once the movements became more defined and stronger – I was sure those first few flutters I had been feeling were in fact coming from my kids. I’m sure these are baby flutters, too. I always thought it would be strange, as if there was an alien inside of me… but it never really was. It was more funny than alien-like.

Providing I’m past the first trimester (fingers crossed… I’m just not sure I can handle being less pregnant than that. It would mean I took the test a mere two weeks after conceiving – and that’s nuts for someone not even regular or trying to conceive.) – again, Providing I’m past the first trimester and we hear the heartbeat, we’re going to tell Hubby’s family tomorrow at the poolhouse. The very poolhouse where we told them that we were expecting not one, but two babies. It’s neat that we get to share the same news with them again in the same place. I like consistency. Haha. We really wanted to tell both of our families at the same time, however…. my mom is a real c**t (I’ll spare those of you who hate that word – I don’t use it lightly, only when truly applicable.) and screwed that over for the rest of my family. It’s a situation I’d rather not get into right now as I’m trying to keep as low-stress as possible. This is not really working as I seem to have lots of dreams where I’m yelling at her about all the things I’m mad about. I’ll write about it some day but today will not be the day.

ANYWAYS, I really hope we can tell them (Hubby’s family), it was very hard to deny champagne on the 4th and get away with saying I was tired from running around with the kids all day… seriously, we’re getting deeper & deeper into the lies. And it’s also more difficult to hide my belly. I’m clearly pregnant.

One of my very very very very best friends in the whole wide world lives in New Orleans. She was driving from Michigan to N.O. with two of her friends last night when they decided to take an hour detour and stay at our home instead of driving overnight. I absolutely NEEDED to have a friend near me last night. Just her presence gave me a reboost – this was the first Tuesday in a while where I haven’t felt overwhelmed (Hubby has golf on Tuesdays and is usually gone until after the kids go to bed…) from the long day of handling the girls all by myself. Now, if only I could get my friends to show up in town on random every week I’d be good! (haha)

Will write more tomorrow after the appointment. Please say a little prayer I’m past the first trimester & we hear a heartbeat! 🙂

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Father’s Day, Pregnant Thoughts, Jon & Kate…..

Father’s Day was lots of fun! I ended up not having to film any scenes for the movie so I had the whole day off!! When we first arranged the schedule we were supposed to be filming on Saturday but they called me back five minutes later and said “Would Sunday be okay?” And since our family doesn’t normally do much other than Mass on Sunday…. well, I said “sure!” without checking to make sure nothing was going on. Oops. 🙂 So, I had called my director earlier in the week to see if we could cut the day in half but never heard back from him… cut to Saturday and I call up our video guy and he informs me that “we” pushed back my (my, as in me) filming dates until the next Sunday… leave it to men to be in charge and forget to share the details with everyone else. LOL. Whatever – I was just happy that I didn’t have to leave Hubby at home babysitting on his Big Day. So, we got to go out to brunch at one of our favorite local restaurants. It’s the same place where we went for lunch the day we found out we were having twins… Anyways, I was glad I didn’t have to cook that morning as I wasn’t feeling snazzy AND I got to have eggs benedict. Win Win for me. 🙂 Haha. We had to bring our own high chairs because the restaurant only has two of their own… and we’re totally okay with bringing our own – with twins, you’ve got to be able to accommodate to a situation. And gosh darnit, we weren’t letting anything stand in our way of going to brunch. HAHAHA. 🙂
After brunch, we went to the In-Laws for swimming & barbequing. I did a great job at hiding my belly. It’s still not totally noticeable but… I spent lots of the day doing my best at holding it in! 🙂 Dinner was awesome – ribs and all the fixings – and I ate, and ate, and ate. By that time, I was so hungry I didn’t care if people noticed how much I ate. Plus, I had been psyching myself up for ribs all weekend – I was ready for a slab.

Pregnant Thoughts. My next appointment with the doctor is not until July 8th. I’m really stressing about this pregnancy:

1. I feel really badly because I’ve been eating so many processed foods (ex. Fresh garlic has been a big turnoff but I have no problem with garlic powder…) – like, what’s the deal with that? My first pregnancy I was totally turned off by processed foods. I couldn’t eat much that wasn’t fresh fresh fresh! This pregnancy: I’ve eaten McDonald’s once, Wendy’s once, AND there was a late night Taco Bell run – I can’t even BELIEVE I’m admitting that. Not to mention the condensed Campbell’s Homestyle Chicken Noodle soup that I can’t get enough of. What gives??? I can’t even choke down my Flintstone vitamins most days. I feel like such a bad mom. AND I’m not drinking enough milk, or eating enough calcium rich foods. FAIL.

2. No heartbeat yet. We don’t own a doppler so I can’t check for one myself. And since my doc couldn’t find one at the last appointment… I’m still freaking out. Is this why I don’t FEEL pregnant? Because I haven’t heard the heartbeat?

3. Not sure how far I am. Again, is this why I don’t FEEL pregnant? Since the baby was measuring so small for how far along we thought I was…. we’re still not sure how far along I actually am. I could be past the first trimester, in which case – there should be a heartbeat, and we could finally tell people I’m pregnant. But with no heartbeat, and not knowing for sure how far along I am… it’s a like a double-doozie-can’t-tell-anyone kind of situation. BLAH. WTF! I’m just in a really weird place these days with all the… unsure-ity (yes, not the word I’m looking for but I have massive pregnant brain this time around) as to the progression of this pregnancy.

4. I think because it was twins last time and I had so many doctors appointments that I didn’t have too much time between them to be worried & think up the worst & overthink everything. I wish I wasn’t one of those needy patients. I totally am though. 😦

5. Pregnant Brain. Seriously, people think I’ve been drinking midday. I said “Cone Phon-versation” to my cousin on Father’s Day, not to mention the forgetfulness of complete conversations with my husband, and saying things like “Let’s go play in the yard, kids…. I mean, the hou- no, the pool.” Seriously, I sound like the town drunk. It was not this bad last time around. Not even close to this bad. Maybe, if there IS a baby in there, it will be a genius since it seems to be sucking the brain out of me.

6. This secret-keeping, lie-telling, etc that’s been going on because of the no heartbeat-small measuring, etc……….. ahhhhhhhhhhh! It’s so hard to do. It’s just building up inside of me more and more every day. I have no one to lean on, to discuss my feelings – except for you dear readers so thanks for reading! 🙂 But you know, I can’t talk to my girlfriends about this. I can’t talk to my MIL about this… boo. My friends keep inviting me to come visit them in their respective cities and I keep having to make up bogus excuses (the web of lies continues) why I can’t come. I feel like such a bitch and I’m afraid they’re getting mad… or maybe they realize something is up with me. Hopefully, the latter.

Third order of business: Jon & Kate. I was NOT expecting this. I kind of thought they were going to announce they were taking a break… from the show! And then as the date got closer, I thought that oh maybe they were going to have a separation from each other – but I still clung to that hope that they weren’t headed for divorce. Well. I was wrong. I’m really sad. Hubby & I totally looked up to them as parents of multiples. There were many days we’d be like “Jon & Kate made it, so can we!” And they just renewed their vows, what, last season? I’m sad for them, I’m sad for the kids – and we’re both upset with Jon. Yes, Kate appears to be snippy at times (but I’ll back her up forever – I can be snippy too, and sometimes snippiness is the only way things get done; besides, who doesn’t joke that their husband is lousy in the kitchen? okay, I don’t totally because he’s a pretty great cook but he doesn’t actually know WHERE anything is in the kitchen… I’m getting off-track…) but apartment hunting in NYC (a 1-bedroom no less)? Being spotted multiple times with a woman ten years your junior? It really appears that Jon is just running away from his responsibilities. Kate said that she has tried to talk to him and he never wants to talk it out. We always thought they were pretty religious. Even if they’re not going to Church every weekend, wouldn’t you think they’d try some sort of counseling – I mean, just throwing in the towel doesn’t sound right. And that’s kind of what we feel Jon is doing. Of course, my opinions are solely based on what we see on the show, what I read in the gossips, etc…. but ah, it just stinks. The newest thing I read said Kate was actually the one who filed and there are reasons that she won’t discuss at this time. I’m wondering if she actually caught him cheating or something terrible like that….. it’s all so sad. I wish this wasn’t happening in their lives. I’m totally bummed.

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I’m driving myself crazy…. yep…

I’m driving myself crazy. I can’t stop thinking about the small fetal pole and how I’m measuring small for how far along I should be… I’m just so confused. I had a day (maybe two) of spotting around the time I should have gotten my period – could it have been my period? I’m not sure I’ve ever had it be that short before… I mean, I’ve got a messed up cycle, but 2 days has never happened. If that’s the case, being only six weeks along makes sense…. but still not totally. I just don’t think it was. Don’t I know my own body well enough by now?

I’m trying not to get my hopes up that this baby is okay and growing. Maybe it’s just behind… but I’m still not getting my hopes up. Hubby doesn’t understand why I’m taking this stance. I just want to prepare myself for what would be the worst EVER.

I go to Quest Diagnostics (why are they the ONLY place that does these things?) this morning for my blood tests. I am apprehensive about this because I’m not a great blood-giver. I tried to donate when I was much younger but was told it would take too long for me to donate the required amount…something about my blood being thick I thought. Anyways, I tend to get woozy and light-headed anyways so I haven’t tried since. But the other time I had to give blood for a test, the same thing happened and it took a long-ass time to fill up all the viles they needed. Barf.

The girls are awake so I must leave my writing haven for now. I’m glad I’m keeping up on the blog this time. I’ll have to finish the girls’ story at some point as they’ll be two this Fall and I haven’t even written about their birth story yet!

Wish me luck at Quest! 🙂

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Doctor’s Appointment Update!

WELL.

There’s only one baby in there.

*sigh* My heart was POUNDING as the doctor inserted the transvaginal ultrasound thingy to check my uterus for more than one baby. POUNDING. And then it turned out to be just one. I have to admit, I was totally bummed. I know, I should be grateful I’m pregnant with all the women in the world who can’t conceive…. but I totally feel like I failed. My ovaries failed me, haha. I’m not a double dropper like I thought! And another part of me feels like maybe I failed as a mom of twins and that’s why I’m not getting them again. I know God only gives me what I can handle, but I thought… I don’t know what I thought. I just feel…. disappointed. I know, I’m nuts.

The “fetal pole”… (I hate the word fetus, fetal, etc. I prefer baby, but whatever let’s be medical for a minute.)… The “fetal pole” is measuring 6 weeks 5 days, however according to my LMP (last menstrual period) I’m 9 weeks pregnant with a New Year’s Day 2010 due date! Thus, I am confused. Baffled, even. It’s measuring .78cm which according to my conversion calculator is 7.8mm.

Now that I’ve typed that out, I can’t believe I had to look up a conversion calculator to do that math. I’ve never been good at math. In fact, from high school through college, I had teachers pass me in math class just because they knew I was throwing everything I had into trying to understand….I just never got it. I was reading by the time I was three – Go figure.

Ok, so I’m 9 weeks but the baby is measuring 6 weeks. Of course, through all my research (I know, I should just be leaving this up to the medical professionals and not Google…), there’s a great chance this will end up as one of those pregnancies that just doesn’t end up taking. AKA, the dreaded miscarriage…. I go back in two weeks for another ultrasound to determine growth and to get the results of the blood tests I’m required to take. I’m just so confused, has anyone else gone through this measuring small for the size you should be? We could hardly see anything on the screen but my doctor chalked it up to the new equipment and that they hadn’t really figured out how to set the lighting on it yet…. I’m an over-thinking worry-wort so of course my mind is racing. Why is it so small? How come if I’m 9 weeks it’s not bigger? When was this child conceived???????????????????????????????? I’m baffled. It seems like such a blur, the month of April – between friends in town, Easter in the Big City, Grandma being sick and eventually passing…. we just can’t figure out when the ‘venomous snake’ let loose and made a baby – which furthers the 9 week/6 week confusion.

BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I wish I could put my head on mute. 😦

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