Just things…

Hubby took me to FarmAid this weekend. We had these tickets for a long time & with Saturday’s gruesome event, we thought it was best for us to still go. It was good to go. Get out of the house, be alone with Hubby… I did spend much of the day sobbing in my seat. The people around us must have thought I was a crazy, emotional, pregnant woman. Seriously. Sobbing. It didn’t help when Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds played nearly the SADDEST set I’ve ever seen. EVER. EVER. If you’re a DMB Fan, like us, you can check out the setlist here. I’ll also list the songs here for those that don’t want to take the jump to the link:

*Funny the Way It Is – not a SAD SAD song… but it’s not a super happy one either. The title mainly says it.

*Grace Is Gone – if you’re a Dave Fan and this song hasn’t made you cry… I just don’t think you have a heart.

*Stay or Leave – the last bit of the chorus goes “stay or leave, i want you not to go, but you did”

*Gravedigger – played with Willie Nelson, I don’t need to get into why this one is sad. It was really awesome to hear Willie Nelson singing it. I actually like his cover of this song better than Dave’s version. Something about Willie’s voice makes it extra… incredible.

Dave & Tim finished the set with three (? maybe four ?) more songs. I love Dave. And Tim. I especially love acoustic sets – which this was, and is generally how Dave & Tim play together. Guitars always make me cry. I just think they’re so beautiful. Of course, violins, pianos, and other instruments make me cry too. (Music moves me. I’m one of those people.) I’ve never seen them play together in person so it was exciting in that respect. This was the saddest set I’ve seen Dave/DMB/Dave&Tim do since Leroi died. We were there when they did their first post-burial show at the Gorge. So sad. And in a way, Sunday’s set was a lovely tribute to my little cat. Right? We watched the show again last night on TV and sure enough the tears came flowing again.

When will this become easier? It thunderstormed last night and when I woke up at 6:30am to take my medicine (I’m on a strict 6 hour pill taking schedule), I couldn’t get back to sleep. I kept thinking of my poor little cat, buried in the backyard, getting soaked to the bone. Will I ever stop worrying about her? It seems silly that I do… but I can’t help myself.

I’d totally be a crazy old cat-lady if I never got married… or if Hubby died. He says if he dies, he knows I’ll become one. Maybe. I don’t really argue this fact because well… I probably would!

*sigh*

*sigh*

In other news, I’ll be 28 weeks pregnant tomorrow. It seems unreal how time has flown! That means I’m in the third trimester! Only 12 weeks to go after tomorrow! I also have a checkup tomorrow so I’m excited to go and ask my doctor all my questions (I have lots!) and hear the heartbeat, etc. I still think Snowdrop is coming Thanksgiving weekend. If not Thanksgiving weekend, she’ll come before her due date. (Great – now that I’ve written that, she’ll probably be overdue… haha!) So I probably have LESS than 12 weeks to go! Whoohoo! 😉

I have been having a few contractions here & there… not super worrysome but something I’m keeping tabs on. I still haven’t had more than two (maybe three) in an hour so that’s a good thing. But they are painful when it happens. Braxton-Hicks are still coming & sometimes I feel a pinching down there. I felt it last pregnancy but I can’t for the life of me remember what it meant. I suppose I could Google it but then I’d get myself worked up into thinking something was terribly wrong. I’ll just wait until tomorrow… 🙂

Junie & Mags are doing great! They’re talking a WHOLE LOT MORE and SINGING every day. And I’ve figured out that they LOVE to watch cooking shows! Any time I’ve been watching the news or something where they go and have a cooking segment -the girls are enraptured by it! Today I watched Rachael Ray make Bolognese sauce. The girls didn’t look away from the TV during the whole segment! Then, they proceeded to “cook” me some food in their pretend kitchen. How cute is that? 🙂 I think it’s adorable. I might be biased.

So I’m trying to figure out something to make with them tonight. Actually, Bolognese sauce sounds really yummy. I would totally eat some right now. Too bad I have no meat to cook up…

My Cat Died Today. :(

My cat died today. I’m really upset. I’m really sad. I don’t know what to write about it. She was attacked by the dog that lives three houses down from us. The dog’s owner felt really bad. He actually cried when my husband went to pick her up. This was after I had run down the street and collapsed on the sidewalk sobbing. (It was quite a scene, really. But I’m okay with that.)

She went quickly, I’ve been told.

I held her for about half an hour in a chair in the backyard. I was surprised at how fast rigor mortis set in actually. My poor little kitty. I know it was good for me to hold her. She wasn’t mangled or anything. The dog had snapped her neck/back (one or the other). We had the girls come outside and say “bye” to the cat. They pet her and said “byebye”. I’m not sure they understand that she’ll never come meowing around again… but maybe they’ll remember her? One of their first words was “meow” – and all because of this cat.

My husband brought me a box and one of her favorite blankets. I wrapped her up and we taped the box shut. I wrote in a red permanent marker on the top of the box. Then he dug a big hole in the backyard and I threw some dirt on her “coffin”. I did that when my good friend died (it’s a Muslim tradition to have all funeral attendees throw a handful of dirt on the coffin). And then he placed three huge granite slabs of rock we had found in our yard last year on top of the freshly covered hole.

I never expected her to live twenty years – she’s far too adventurous and curious for a long life. But I really didn’t think it would be so soon. She was six years old. I’ve had her for her whole life. While she was never a very friendly cat to most people, she never once swiped or was mean to my daughters. That always meant a lot to me. You know? She was a good girl.

I’m holding up better than expected. I’m sure things will get worse as the night/week progresses. And easier in the years to come. In times like these, I have to believe that things happen for a reason and that God has deemed a purpose for everything. If I didn’t believe that, I would have let go of that rope a long time ago.

I’m worried about my other cat… I don’t know if she was there when it happened. I don’t know if she knows. We weren’t sure if we should show her that her sister was gone; like show her the body? I don’t know. We thought we should, and then we thought it might upset her. Does she know her sister is gone? Will she be able to smell her in the backyard? Will she be upset? I figure she will be lonely…

I’m also worried that I’m so upset I’m going to hurt my little Snowdrop. She’s moved a little bit since this all “went down”. But not as much as  normal. I’ve also had a persistent pain just below my rib cage, at the top of where my belly is. I hope everything is okay inside.

Rest in Peace my sweet kitty. I love you very much and I’m so sorry you are gone. 😦