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It’s a GIRL!!!

It’s a girl!! Two arms, two legs, a four-chamber heart, and two healthy looking kidneys. YAY!!!!

I think Hubby is disappointed. I’m not sure. I guess he probably IS considering he really wanted a boy… but that’s not what was intended for him, I suppose. Nor for me.

Three daughters. This will be our third. I hope she is also redheaded. 🙂 I’m so excited that I can finally start to decorate the nursery… and work on cutting down our name list. Which is only three names long but still. 🙂

Oh, and my due date is now December 30th, 2009. Officially, a tax deduction. 🙂

It’s a girl!!! YAY!!!

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Big Ultrasound Next Week!!

Our big ultrasound is next week. I’ll be 22 weeks tomorrow. Man, am I HUGE. I know ‘they’ say that with the second pregnancy you are bigger than with the first. I had twins the first time around though… so shouldn’t I be about the same if there’s just one baby in there this time? Or maybe even smaller the second time around since there’s just one baby in there? I’m confused by my size.

I’m starting to wonder if there really isn’t just one baby in there. I mean, it’s totally possible there was someone hiding in the first two ultrasounds. The first ultrasound we had was very blurry, the screen was very dark and the doctor confessed it was a new machine that she didn’t know how to work well. She was unable to fix the settings but was able to find a fetal pole.… I was nine weeks along though so there should have been more than a fetal pole at that time, according to all standard Google Research. 🙂

In July, we went back for another appointment and made (ok, we asked nicely) my doctor check the baby via ultrasound again for growth. Just one baby showed up on the monitor. The post I just linked to apparently doesn’t tell much of a story about the ultrasound but basically, the baby was measuring right on target for 13 weeks (the amount of weeks I thought I was pregnant before the whole fetal pole episode – so I WAS 9 weeks when the ultrasound only found the pole (which still doesn’t seem right)). Just one baby there… so we all think.

But now, I’m HUGE. I’m measuring about 3cm bigger than I should be at this stage. We’ve been comparing pictures from the last pregnancy to pictures of me right now… and I’m bigger. WTF? All this combined with the intense movement I’m feeling in my belly have me, my mother-in-law, my father-in-law, and Hubby a little on edge. I mean, if it’s twins – that’s awesome! Two babies!! AGAIN!! We’d just be so lucky! If it’s one baby – that’s awesome too! One baby!! Can anyone say CakeWalk?? Haha.

We just can’t wait until that next ultrasound!! Aside from definite (let’s hope, right?) confirmation of number of babies inside… we’ll also be able to find out boy or girl so that’s pretty exciting. My entire life I intended to not find out what I was expecting – but then came the girls so we felt financially it would be best to find out what they were so we could plan accordingly. I’m not a pink-princess kind of girl but I DID want to do a green and purple dragonfly bedroom for my daughter. Their room was also a beautiful deep blue color before we painted it purple & green, so had it been boys we would have kept it that blue! So we found out. AND now that we have lots of girl clothes and only some boy/girl clothes – we’re finding out this time around what we’re having. It’s still a surprise either way, just an earlier surprise. 🙂

Maybe we won’t tell people what we’re having? I’m pretty positive though that the grandparents wouldn’t fly for that AND that if we asked them to keep it secret – they would not be able to. No way, no how. I love these people immensely, but they are unable to keep secrets. HAHA.

The girls are nearly taking off their bibs so I must run before my floor is covered in lunch. 🙂

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Next Appointment Tomorrow

My next appointment is TOMORROW!!! It’s finally come! I’m not used to this waiting four weeks between appointments stuff! 🙂 I’m really excited and I really hope we can find the heartbeat. We’ll have an ultrasound, too. Of course, I’m still worried about there not being a baby in there, but based on the size of my boobs & my belly… there’s gotta be a baby in there.  I’ve also been pretty sick, as per usual. Plus, I know I’ve felt it moving. During my first pregnancy, I felt movement from very early on. My doctor said I was probably just gassy but once the movements became more defined and stronger – I was sure those first few flutters I had been feeling were in fact coming from my kids. I’m sure these are baby flutters, too. I always thought it would be strange, as if there was an alien inside of me… but it never really was. It was more funny than alien-like.

Providing I’m past the first trimester (fingers crossed… I’m just not sure I can handle being less pregnant than that. It would mean I took the test a mere two weeks after conceiving – and that’s nuts for someone not even regular or trying to conceive.) – again, Providing I’m past the first trimester and we hear the heartbeat, we’re going to tell Hubby’s family tomorrow at the poolhouse. The very poolhouse where we told them that we were expecting not one, but two babies. It’s neat that we get to share the same news with them again in the same place. I like consistency. Haha. We really wanted to tell both of our families at the same time, however…. my mom is a real c**t (I’ll spare those of you who hate that word – I don’t use it lightly, only when truly applicable.) and screwed that over for the rest of my family. It’s a situation I’d rather not get into right now as I’m trying to keep as low-stress as possible. This is not really working as I seem to have lots of dreams where I’m yelling at her about all the things I’m mad about. I’ll write about it some day but today will not be the day.

ANYWAYS, I really hope we can tell them (Hubby’s family), it was very hard to deny champagne on the 4th and get away with saying I was tired from running around with the kids all day… seriously, we’re getting deeper & deeper into the lies. And it’s also more difficult to hide my belly. I’m clearly pregnant.

One of my very very very very best friends in the whole wide world lives in New Orleans. She was driving from Michigan to N.O. with two of her friends last night when they decided to take an hour detour and stay at our home instead of driving overnight. I absolutely NEEDED to have a friend near me last night. Just her presence gave me a reboost – this was the first Tuesday in a while where I haven’t felt overwhelmed (Hubby has golf on Tuesdays and is usually gone until after the kids go to bed…) from the long day of handling the girls all by myself. Now, if only I could get my friends to show up in town on random every week I’d be good! (haha)

Will write more tomorrow after the appointment. Please say a little prayer I’m past the first trimester & we hear a heartbeat! 🙂

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Doctor’s Appointment Update!


There’s only one baby in there.

*sigh* My heart was POUNDING as the doctor inserted the transvaginal ultrasound thingy to check my uterus for more than one baby. POUNDING. And then it turned out to be just one. I have to admit, I was totally bummed. I know, I should be grateful I’m pregnant with all the women in the world who can’t conceive…. but I totally feel like I failed. My ovaries failed me, haha. I’m not a double dropper like I thought! And another part of me feels like maybe I failed as a mom of twins and that’s why I’m not getting them again. I know God only gives me what I can handle, but I thought… I don’t know what I thought. I just feel…. disappointed. I know, I’m nuts.

The “fetal pole”… (I hate the word fetus, fetal, etc. I prefer baby, but whatever let’s be medical for a minute.)… The “fetal pole” is measuring 6 weeks 5 days, however according to my LMP (last menstrual period) I’m 9 weeks pregnant with a New Year’s Day 2010 due date! Thus, I am confused. Baffled, even. It’s measuring .78cm which according to my conversion calculator is 7.8mm.

Now that I’ve typed that out, I can’t believe I had to look up a conversion calculator to do that math. I’ve never been good at math. In fact, from high school through college, I had teachers pass me in math class just because they knew I was throwing everything I had into trying to understand….I just never got it. I was reading by the time I was three – Go figure.

Ok, so I’m 9 weeks but the baby is measuring 6 weeks. Of course, through all my research (I know, I should just be leaving this up to the medical professionals and not Google…), there’s a great chance this will end up as one of those pregnancies that just doesn’t end up taking. AKA, the dreaded miscarriage…. I go back in two weeks for another ultrasound to determine growth and to get the results of the blood tests I’m required to take. I’m just so confused, has anyone else gone through this measuring small for the size you should be? We could hardly see anything on the screen but my doctor chalked it up to the new equipment and that they hadn’t really figured out how to set the lighting on it yet…. I’m an over-thinking worry-wort so of course my mind is racing. Why is it so small? How come if I’m 9 weeks it’s not bigger? When was this child conceived???????????????????????????????? I’m baffled. It seems like such a blur, the month of April – between friends in town, Easter in the Big City, Grandma being sick and eventually passing…. we just can’t figure out when the ‘venomous snake’ let loose and made a baby – which furthers the 9 week/6 week confusion.


I wish I could put my head on mute. 😦

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The Suspense is Killer…

Two days. Two days until I go see my doctor. I’m really hoping she wants to do a diagnostic ultrasound to “rule out” (or rule in!!) twins. I’m not sure I could stand waiting until 20 weeks to find out – and I’m not sure it would be a good idea to wait that long again! (Read my long-time-ago post: “Usually we wait for the doctor to give the patient this kind of information…”) We’ve decided that once I’m farther along, we do want to find out if it’s a boy or a girl. It only makes sense to us as we have EVERYTHING for a girl and nothing for a boy. Well, we’ve got some non-gendered clothing but for the most part it’s all butterflies and flowers. 🙂

I grew up wanting my babies sexes to be surprises to me, I suppose it’s still a surprise even though we’ll find out before he/she is born… Maybe we won’t tell other people what the baby is… that’s not a bad idea.

The suspense is killer. It’s way too early for a heartbeat (according to my calculations, though with my wildly irregular cycle perhaps I’m more pregnant than I think!) so she’d have to do an ultrasound to be sure. I just HAVE to know if we’ve got to be looking for one or two cribs. Once I know this, then the new baby’s room can start to be decorated. I’m excited for that!! It was so much fun planning the girls’ room; I can’t wait to decorate another nursery. It’s one of the best parts of having a new baby!

At 2o months old, Juniper & Magnolia are still in cribs. We purchased “Lifetime Cribs” for them so these beds will turn into toddler beds (once they’re ‘responsible’ enough to stay in one) and then into full-size headboards for when they’re big girls. I always thought I liked the kind of crib where the one side drops down – but now that we’ve had these lifetime cribs I’m so glad we went with them. They feel sturdier and I like that they’ll ‘grow’ with my kids.

Please please please do an ultrasound. Until then, I’ll be crossing my fingers & toes, spitting in my palms, rubbing them together and turning around thrice. 😉

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Still in Shock Over Twins, Surviving Bridal Showers and Surprising the Family

Still in Shock:

Hubby threw up while we waited for the doctor after our ultrasound.

I was in shock. Still laughing, but in honest shock. Truly, it was so unexpected. First just being pregnant was a big surprise… but twins? {Flashback to the conception date: Hubby (then just my boyfriend) left it up to God and took a chance with his ‘swimmers’, telling Him, ‘If this is meant to be, so be it.” I had asked God for a sign a week earlier that the long-distance was worth the struggle … boy did He really hit this one out of the park, in terms of signs. And my boyfriend… well, he hit it out of the park, too.}

Two. Two…… We couldn’t believe it. What were we going to do? We still hadn’t found a house at this point ~ Hubby had looked at nearly two hundred homes. (We finally closed on one – the day before our wedding – with 15 foot ceilings ~ Beautiful and spacious, but NOT an easy climb at any-months pregnant with twins, let me tell you. We spent the last month and a half of my pregnancy living on the first floor. And the eight weeks it took me to recover from the c-section, too. 🙂 And how were we going to afford twins? I was definitely not going back to work ~ it was only financially obvious we’d save money by not paying for a babysitter. TWO. TWO BABIES. And the ultrasound technician thought it looked like both might be girls. Hubby is the only child, of an only-child, of an only-child, of an only-child, of an only-child, of an only-child ~ ALL MALE. For the past six generations, all boys, and only one. Way to break tradition!!! 🙂 TWO. We just couldn’t believe it!

My doctor was very relaxed when she came into the room after the ultrasound. She had only delivered four sets of twins before during her practice but she said that she felt confident delivering mine if everything was normal and there were no major complications during the pregnancy. She wanted to consult with a Maternal-Fetal doctor during my pregnancy (that’s where I’d end up having my many ultrasounds) to keep on eye on things. (There showed some kidney malfunction on Baby B at the first ultrasound.) If my pregnancy continued to still ‘look good’ and Baby B’s kidney never posed any major problems, then she’d keep me on as her patient and deliver the babies herself. I totally trusted her when she said that if she reached a point and felt she couldn’t handle it, then she would hand me over to the experts. Although the kidney did turn out to pose a few problems, and we did have to receive many, many ultrasounds, my doctor delivered both babies – without the help of the “experts”.

(SideNote: Promptly two hours after delivering mine, after going home for a shower and some dinner, my doctor delivered a second set of twins (two boys). It was a record day for her and I’m proud my girls are part of it! )

We left the appointment still stunned and got into the car. “Wow,” I think we both said. I was starving (no surprise there) so we decided to go out to lunch. My mom called to check in and see how the appointment went. I said “Oh fine, the baby looks great! We’ll show you guys the pictures tomorrow after the bridal shower.” Phew, I passed ~ she suspected nothing.

We went to a restaurant we had never been to before. Since then, we’ve probably been 30 times. It’s become a favorite place of ours; sentimental, definitely ~ and the food is fabulous. That day, however, I threw up. It all got overwhelming for a minute. We agreed to not tell anyone until we told our families the following day. Our families were getting together for a BBQ at the poolhouse after my bridal shower.

Hubby is the worst secret keeper EVER. I don’t tell him my ‘secrets’ or even my ‘true thoughts’ on a lot of things. I know you’re not supposed to tell your husband everything…… but it would be nice to be able to confide in him and know that his best friends won’t know all about it by the end of the day. I’ve got no one to vent to down here in the Little City and sometimes I wish I did. His friends knew about the twins later that night before anyone from our own families found out. *sigh* Typical.

Surviving Bridal Showers:

My mother-in-law is truly a wonderful woman. No, really, she is! I’m probably one of the luckiest girls to have such a great MIL. She is truly interested in me and genuinely listens when I speak. I know she hears and tries to remember all my likes and dislikes and is extremely thoughtful. For example, she’ll send me to the nail salon with a gift certificate sometimes when I drop the kids off for my weekly “Mommy’s Day Out/Grandma’s Day In”. When we come for dinner it is always a feast filled with our favorites; she makes extra food for us to take home so I don’t have to bother with cooking the next day. She brought me pineapple after pineapple when I was craving it most ~ and supplied me with endless carmel apples after the babies were born.

She loves my children so much. She loves to give, give, give. (I’ve got (literally) five huge bins of clothes ranging from newborn through 2T. Some of the clothes I’ve purchased but she’s always finding things for the girls and snatching them up!) Anyways… MIL is great. Her MIL (Hubby’s grandmother) was very mean to her when she first married into the family. VERY mean, as in Hubby’s Grandma accused my MIL of being knocked up by someone other than her husband when they got pregnant with my husband (did that make sense? basically, Grandma accused my MIL of cheating on her husband and getting knocked up and that the baby wasn’t actually theirs. *sigh*… it’s really too long a story to get more into.) Back to my MIL… so she had a terrible MIL experience and so with me (and my MIL told me this) she never wants to have that kind of relationship. She wants to help me as much as I need her to help and she wants to include me in her life as much as I’ll let her. She doesn’t give unneeded advice, she sticks with my ‘rules’ for the babies… she calls me the ‘daughter she never had’ – which truly is so awesome. She’s such a wonderful woman and I feel so blessed to have her as my MIL.

So of course when we announced our engagement (and the ‘curveball’ aka the first grandchild) she wanted to throw me a bridal shower at their poolhouse (I like to say I married up… but actually, HE did. Haha.) but as tradition goes, the MIL is not supposed to host a shower – so her group of best friends hosted the shower at the MIL’s poolhouse. I was nervous. What if her friends didn’t like me? What if I got some really wierd present and couldn’t effectively pull off an “oh! this is so lovely!” upon opening it?

The day arrived and everything actually went smoothly. My husbands friends who attended kept our secret very well! With smiles so amused as people joked about Hubby & I having twins since I looked so big, they really helped me ease into being the lady of the afternoon. I received many wonderful gifts, some odd items, and a sprinkle of things I’ll pass on to a White Elephant. It all went really well and I’m pretty sure all my MIL’s friends approve of me.

PHEW! ! ! ! ! !

Surprising the Family:

We decided to tell our families at the same time during our planned family barbeque after the bridal shower. That way everyone found out together and no one could feel left out. (It’s difficult some of the time when one side lives out of town.) The guys had been golfing all day (very regular amongst the men in our families). My dad and Hubby’s dad had really gotten to know each other and the time spent together proved they would have a wonderful relationship. Thank God my in-laws are normal people, like golf and wine, and can get along with my parents (who are more or less the same, as long as you add hardcore Catholic into their mix).

As the meat went on the grill my mom went inside the poolhouse to help my MIL and FIL serve up appetizers and bring some dishes outside to the tables where we were all sitting. They joked, “I wonder what they want to tell us. Maybe they found out what it is”, “Thank God it’s only one baby! Haha. Haha.”, “Yeah, we’d know by now if it were twins!” Laughter filled the poolhouse as our parents imagined our upcoming announcement.

Everyone settled down for appetizers and Hubby & I stood up to address our families. We started with the usual ‘thanks for being here’, blah blah. We continued, “The ultrasound went really well other than a couple of things. Nothing un-handle-able is wrong there are just some things the doctor is concerned about. We wanted to brief the family on it before the birth so that everyone could be prepared.” Dun dun dun…. ominous looks crossed everyone’s faces. They were preparing themselves for something bad.

“Everything’s great, the only thing is that she’s dyzygotic,” Hubby said.

Before he said ‘dizygotic’, my MIL screamed, “SHE?!” Then someone asked “What’s dizygotic?” A light-bulb look came over the faces of my father (a doctor) and my sister (a science know-all) as they found in their memory banks the meaning of dizygotic.

I smiled. Then, I said, “It means she has a sister.” At that moment, you could have heard a flea laughing it was so silent!

“TWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS!!” My mother howled and gasped laughter out of her mouth. She was red as a beet with surprise and excitement. She and my MIL were screaming and hugging each other. I wish we had gotten it on videotape. My FIL just sat there and opened another beer, completely stunned by our news. Everyone was so excited, so surprised, and deliriously happy.

I think my sisters were especially happy because while although they aren’t officially twins, they’ve been raised as such their entire lives so for me, their oldest sister, to be having twins was really exciting for them. Plus, they each got to be a godmother so no one’s feelings were hurt. PHEW! 🙂

I had survived my first scary ultrasound, my first scary bridal shower, and the excitement of sharing our good news. Now I just had to survive being mom to twins….. Dun dun dun….

I was glad that we had told the families because now I could go back to the Big City to tell MY friends. It was so exciting and I knew I’d have to tell them all at the same time. I decided my bachelorette party would be the day. My friends were taking me to the horse races for some brunch and a classy day of betting and cheering on our favorites. This, of course, is another ‘blog-story’ for another day.

(SideNote: My sisters are seven weeks apart in age.)

(Explanation cause I know you want one: Myself and all my siblings are adopted. At the time my parents were looking for a baby, two birthmothers picked them and agreed to have my parents raise their babies together. Pretty cool. I had prayed really hard for a sister; we joke now that I prayed too hard. 🙂 )

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“Usually we wait for the doctor to give the patient this kind of information…”

“Well. Usually we wait for the doctor to give the patient this kind of information…”

Wow. The begining of that sentence was almost as bad as the ultrasound technician excusing herself after 30 seconds of my very first ultrasound. She had hardly put the wand to my belly before leaving the room….. I began to pray. My worst nightmare had come true…

I am a worrier. I worry about what people think of me (shallow, maybe, whatever), I worry about what to wear every day (it’s commonplace for me to change outfits three times before I find the “right” thing to wear, even if i’m headed to the grocery store), I worry about flying on airplanes, driving with my kids in the car, I worry about blowing up at the gas station. I’m paranoid about our house catching on fire or leaving the oven on or a candle burning.

I worry that I worry too much.

(What a wierd word – worry.) (Alliteration, I love it.)

Needless to say when I found out I was pregnant, I worried. I worried my baby would not have arms or legs. It would come out with its face rearranged like a Picasso painting. The baby would never grow teeth so we’d have to get fake ones put in when it got old enough. The baby would have to live through a feeding tube due to some wierd genetic problem. The baby would be born with its organs on the outside. The baby would be born with every imaginable awful disease known to man. Worst of all, as my ultrasound date neared I became sure that my child would be stillborn. Certainly, that would be the worst thing to ever happen to my unborn child. And at our first ultrasound, there it would be, undeveloping with no heartbeat anymore.

The heartbeat. WOW. The heartbeat. Like horses racing at the Track. Pudadum Pudadum Pudadum Pudadum. That was the coolest thing ever. We had heard it a month before at my very first doctor’s appointment. She took a while to find the heartbeat but after searching my entire belly she was able to find it! Joy to my ears, the first proof to me (other than my excruciating morning, noon, and night sickness)…it was my baby saying “hi mom and dad, i’m in here!” Life created inside of me. The heartbeat. 

(Note to Reader: I write “heartbeat”, not “heartbeats”. Once the doctor found the “heartbeat” we didn’t look farther for second beat… why would we? I had no idea I’ve been dropping multiple eggs.)

So, back to the first ultrasound… I was up all night before our appointment. I couldn’t sleep. Tossing and turning, I kept imagining the worse, preparing myself for the worse. I was sure the heartbeat had disappeared, sure that this gift from God had been taken away. Baby had been sent to Hubby and myself as a sign that we were meant to be together and that this long-distance relationship was worth the distance. (We had both prayed for a sign earlier in the month we conceived…God is a funny guy…) So when the ultrasound technician excused herself from the room…. I was sure the worst news was to come.

Well. It wasn’t the worst news. As per usual, my worrying was for no reason. In fact, I had worried about just the wrong things. I hadn’t worried that maybe there were two babies. In fact, it hadn’t crossed my mind other than when friends joked about teeny, tiny me having twins or triplets! “That’d be hysterical. You’d be bigger than a house!”, they’d say. HAH. Little did we all know…

So the technician comes back in the room and begins the dreaded sentence:

“Well, usually we wait for the doctor to give the patient this kind of information…” Hubby is holding my hand… “Congratulation kids,” she says, “You’re having twins!”

I shot straight up from lying down into a seated position. “WHAT?!?!?!?!”

“WHAT?!?! Are you serious?”, says Hubby.

“WHAT?! Wait. What?!?!”, I say. And start to burst into a fit of the giggles.

When I’m nervous or at inappropriate times (funerals, Mass, etc) – I giggle. I can’t help it.

And there they were, our two little peanuts. That’s what they looked like: peanuts. All my worrying and there they were, with TWO heartbeats.

Hubby paced the tiny ultrasound room while the techncian (flustered from her find and also from the fact that she wasn’t familiar with doing scans of more than one baby) continued to count arms and legs, measure the babies, checked the heartrates, and got us a beautiful picture of our kids. Head to Toe…

Our wild, crazy, unexpected life had just begun.

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